What do you do...
- When life isn’t fair?
- When you feel overlooked or left behind?
- When you feel overworked and underpaid or underappreciated- giving more than you bargained for?
-When you feel wronged in business?
How do you respond to this REALITY...more importantly, how do you prepare your kids for these moments when life just isn’t fair and they have to sit with the tough questions?
In this episode, I share 4 Biblical truths from Matthew 20 that give us some insight and PERSPECTIVE, when we have to navigate the waters of injustice in our life and accept the things we don’t understand.
LET’S STAY CONNECTED
Full Episode Transcription:
Welcome back to The Nourishing Mompreneur Podcast, where we get encouraged and empowered as we pursue our greatest potential within the walls of our home. Hey Mama, my name is Michelle Hiatt, and I'm so thankful you're here. Do you feel like your life is good, but something in you feels unfulfilled? Do you feel stuck in the trenches of motherhood, exhausted and working so hard, but feeling like you're getting nowhere? Do you have big dreams you hold in your heart, but you've been living small? Are you motivated for more, but don't have the clarity or the courage to do anything about it? Do you want to discover God's best and see if it's really possible to be an excellent wife, an intentional mother, and be successful in business, all for the glory of God? As a wife of 16 years, a homeschooling mom of five, and an entrepreneur, I know exactly how you feel. Every bit of it. I truly believe that the most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your home and that there is purpose in every season. If you are a fellow business-minded mama, with a heart for home and a love for Jesus, let's process this journey and grow together.
Hey Mama, I came across Matthew 20 yesterday in my quiet time, and wow, how enlightening! When I say enlightening, I really just mean bringing truth and light to the surface. It was really interesting and it brought up some questions that I thought we could talk about today.
What about when life isn't fair? How do you respond when you feel overlooked or left behind? What about when you feel overworked or underpaid or just underappreciated, giving more than you bargained for, possibly. What if you feel wronged in business? The topic of justice-how to respond when life isn't fair, this is something that we all really have to deal with.
I think there is a fallacy in fairness or folly in fairness, when it comes to raising our kids and maybe even the way we've been taught and I just want to talk about that a little bit today and kind of open up that conversation. For me growing up, I have two sisters so it was three of us girls, and my parents were really big on keeping things fair. They were really big on keeping things equal all the time. We each had our room, we each kind of went to the same school, life very much as closely as possible mirrored one another.
I remember, you know, on Christmas or whatever the occasion was, they spent $100 on you, $100 on you, $100 on you, everything was just very fair and equal and that was the way they loved us well. They never wanted us to feel like one was favored over the other or anything like that. But you know, as you grow up, and you're a parent and you have your own kids and you live life, you think a little bit differently, and I found myself doing things differently. I think that that's something that we all have to kind of process. It doesn't mean that the way our parents did it, wasn't good, that we weren't raised well, or that it discredits anything that they did. My parents are phenomenal. I honor them. I am so thankful and blessed and privileged to be born into the family that I have and to have the life that I was raised with and then the life that I have now I am incredibly thankful. But the reality is that I'm raising my kids in a different world than they raised us in and the topic of justice and things being fair is more prevalent than ever. And it just makes you question everything as a parent, you guys get what I'm saying? You feel what I'm saying. There's things that we do because hey, this is the way I was taught this is the way it was ingrained in me and this is the way my mama did it. And then there's other things that you're like yeah, I'm not gonna do it that way because my mama did it and I didn't appreciate that.
Well, anyhow, I was raised with a really strong value on things being fair things being equal and now that I'm, you know, married and I have five children, and they're each super different and unique this is actually one of those areas that I really differ with when I raise my kids in this area. One of the things that I noticed was that as I grew up and became an adult, I learned pretty quick that life just isn't fair and I struggled a lot of times and compared myself as a young adult, feeling frustrated. There were many opportunities and times where I just found myself kind of shaking my fist at God feeling frustrated, feeling sorry for myself, why did they get this and I don't or why does life look like this for them and it doesn't look like that for me? You just look at other people or you look outside of yourself and you kind of have to sit with this question. Wow, life isn't fair and you have to wrestle with that a little bit when you're used to things being fair and that's something that you are accustomed to the way you were raised.
Having kids and being a parent, these are questions that we have to face all the time from the little ones like well, "she had one and I didn't" or "can I do that too?" Or "me too." "That's not fair." These are questions that we have all the time and it makes you think about how you're actually going to teach your kids when it comes to this. Keeping things generally balanced, it is a wise thing usually but not always. Not always.
One of the things that I would do sometimes when they were little is I would allow little things to kind of, to sit. I would allow little injustices or little things that weren't fair. For example, I remember one time oh my goodness. I remember one time I can't remember I think my oldest two were little and we were sitting on the couch and it was one of those things like "Oh, can I have a chip, mom? and then "Oh, can I have one?" And it was like "No, you can't have one. You can have one and you can't have one." And it was like such a small moment and I think the grandparents were actually there and were like dying, like dying because it was just like the worst thing in the world. Like you cannot give one child something and not give the other child something else and it was like well, actually we can because our kids have to learn to sit with this and they have to learn to deal with things that aren't fair and things that aren't just even when they don't understand. At the end of the day, they have to learn how to respond. We have to work on our response and they have to learn how to respond. So I think that at times when they're little it's kind of a because I said so type of things. I think it's okay sometimes as they get older, of course there can be greater understanding like "Hey, your big 13-year-old brother, you can't do the same things as him because you're a three-year-old little girl." That's okay. There are privileges and more experiences and things that come with greater age and greater trust.
All that to say is I think it's good to always teach our kids off of principle and the principle is that life isn't fair and I don't think we should raise our kids with the expectation that it's going to be the same for everybody. We have to teach them ahead of time to respond so they don't end up with resentment with bitterness, anger, maybe unforgiveness, just wrestling with frustration, maybe feeling sorry for themselves. These are things that are just going to hold them back in life. But you know, it doesn't really matter what Michelle says, my kids are still young. I have a lot of life to live. I have a lot to learn. I have a lot of many years of parenting ahead. There are many deep injustices that I'm going to have to help my kids walk through that their hearts are going to have to process through and we're going to do this together. But what really does matter is what does the Bible say about it?
So I just want to read real quick Matthew:20 this is Jesus speaking, so it's all in red and it's the Parable of the Vineyard workers. Listen, I think that parables when I always read parables in the Bible, I just feel like it's just a mystery. I don't understand it. But I was reading this the other day, and I was just understanding something. So I just want to ask Father God, I pray for the mom listening that you would open up her ears to hear what you have for her that you would give her fresh revelation of who you are, and that you would help her to understand what you are saying what you are expressing what you are communicating through this story in this parable in Scripture. Okay.
Matthew:20 "For the kingdom of heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay the normal daily wage and set them out to work. At nine o'clock in the morning, he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever is right at the end of the day. So they went to work in the vineyard at noon, and again at three o'clock he did the same thing. At five o'clock that afternoon. He was in town again and saw some more people standing around.
He asked them, "Why haven't you been working today?"
They replied, "Because no one hired us."
The landowner told them, "Then go out and join the others in my vineyard."
That evening, he told the four men to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those hired at five o'clock were paid, each received a full day's wage. When those hired first came to come to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more but they too were paid a day's wage. When they received their pay, they protested to the owner.
"Those people worked only one hour and yet you've paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat."
He answered one of them "Friend. I haven't been unfair. Didn't you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay the last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I'm kind to others. So those that are last now will be first then and those who are first will be last."
So let's talk about a couple of ways to respond and principles to teach your kids to teach ourselves really because we always have to learn and grow first and then we just can through that overflow kind of teach our children that but what can we intentionally do as we navigate injustices in life when we navigate those spots that voice that wants to say that's not fair.
Well, the first thing from reading this scripture passage is to remember your position. God is the master and you are the servant. You are a laborer in His vineyard.
Psalms 24:1 says "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to Him."
We are laborers in His vineyard, this is His world. He is the master. God is God and we are not and sometimes we don't understand everything but we just have to know and remember our position, who we are, what is our role? It's important that not only we understand that but that we help our kids understand and acknowledge their heavenly authority and honor their earthly authority too- that will be you mom. They need to obey and honor you, even if on the occasion the answer is "because I said so." That has to be enough because they need to honor you, in the same way, they will honor their Heavenly Father because He is their master. He is our master.
The second thing that I pulled from that passage is we have to trust God. Trust him that He keeps His promises, even if they don't come when we think they should or look the way maybe we thought they would. At the end of the day, the master of the vineyard, He did exactly what He said He was going to do. We can trust God will do what he says he will do. His promises are always Yes and Amen. So we just have to trust that our master has His reasons, even when we don't understand. We've got to trust God's hea