What do you do...
- When life isn’t fair?
- When you feel overlooked or left behind?
- When you feel overworked and underpaid or underappreciated- giving more than you bargained for?
-When you feel wronged in business?
How do you respond to this REALITY...more importantly, how do you prepare your kids for these moments when life just isn’t fair and they have to sit with the tough questions?
In this episode, I share 4 Biblical truths from Matthew 20 that give us some insight and PERSPECTIVE, when we have to navigate the waters of injustice in our life and accept the things we don’t understand.
LET’S STAY CONNECTED
Full Episode Transcription:
Welcome back to The Nourishing Mompreneur Podcast, where we get encouraged and empowered as we pursue our greatest potential within the walls of our home. Hey Mama, my name is Michelle Hiatt, and I'm so thankful you're here. Do you feel like your life is good, but something in you feels unfulfilled? Do you feel stuck in the trenches of motherhood, exhausted and working so hard, but feeling like you're getting nowhere? Do you have big dreams you hold in your heart, but you've been living small? Are you motivated for more, but don't have the clarity or the courage to do anything about it? Do you want to discover God's best and see if it's really possible to be an excellent wife, an intentional mother, and be successful in business, all for the glory of God? As a wife of 16 years, a homeschooling mom of five, and an entrepreneur, I know exactly how you feel. Every bit of it. I truly believe that the most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your home and that there is purpose in every season. If you are a fellow business-minded mama, with a heart for home and a love for Jesus, let's process this journey and grow together.
Hey Mama, I came across Matthew 20 yesterday in my quiet time, and wow, how enlightening! When I say enlightening, I really just mean bringing truth and light to the surface. It was really interesting and it brought up some questions that I thought we could talk about today.
What about when life isn't fair? How do you respond when you feel overlooked or left behind? What about when you feel overworked or underpaid or just underappreciated, giving more than you bargained for, possibly. What if you feel wronged in business? The topic of justice-how to respond when life isn't fair, this is something that we all really have to deal with.
I think there is a fallacy in fairness or folly in fairness, when it comes to raising our kids and maybe even the way we've been taught and I just want to talk about that a little bit today and kind of open up that conversation. For me growing up, I have two sisters so it was three of us girls, and my parents were really big on keeping things fair. They were really big on keeping things equal all the time. We each had our room, we each kind of went to the same school, life very much as closely as possible mirrored one another.
I remember, you know, on Christmas or whatever the occasion was, they spent $100 on you, $100 on you, $100 on you, everything was just very fair and equal and that was the way they loved us well. They never wanted us to feel like one was favored over the other or anything like that. But you know, as you grow up, and you're a parent and you have your own kids and you live life, you think a little bit differently, and I found myself doing things differently. I think that that's something that we all have to kind of process. It doesn't mean that the way our parents did it, wasn't good, that we weren't raised well, or that it discredits anything that they did. My parents are phenomenal. I honor them. I am so thankful and blessed and privileged to be born into the family that I have and to have the life that I was raised with and then the life that I have now I am incredibly thankful. But the reality is that I'm raising my kids in a different world than they raised us in and the topic of justice and things being fair is more prevalent than ever. And it just makes you question everything as a parent, you guys get what I'm saying? You feel what I'm saying. There's things that we do because hey, this is the way I was taught this is the way it was ingrained in me and this is the way my mama did it. And then there's other things that you're like yeah, I'm not gonna do it that way because my mama did it and I didn't appreciate that.
Well, anyhow, I was raised with a really strong value on things being fair things being equal and now that I'm, you know, married and I have five children, and they're each super different and unique this is actually one of those areas that I really differ with when I raise my kids in this area. One of the things that I noticed was that as I grew up and became an adult, I learned pretty quick that life just isn't fair and I struggled a lot of times and compared myself as a young adult, feeling frustrated. There were many opportunities and times where I just found myself kind of shaking my fist at God feeling frustrated, feeling sorry for myself, why did they get this and I don't or why does life look like this for them and it doesn't look like that for me? You just look at other people or you look outside of yourself and you kind of have to sit with this question. Wow, life isn't fair and you have to wrestle with that a little bit when you're used to things being fair and that's something that you are accustomed to the way you were raised.
Having kids and being a parent, these are questions that we have to face all the time from the little ones like well, "she had one and I didn't" or "can I do that too?" Or "me too." "That's not fair." These are questions that we have all the time and it makes you think about how you're actually going to teach your kids when it comes to this. Keeping things generally balanced, it is a wise thing usually but not always. Not always.
One of the things that I would do sometimes when they were little is I would allow little things to kind of, to sit. I would allow little injustices or little things that weren't fair. For example, I remember one time oh my goodness. I remember one time I can't remember I think my oldest two were little and we were sitting on the couch and it was one of those things like "Oh, can I have a chip, mom? and then "Oh, can I have one?" And it was like "No, you can't have one. You can have one and you can't have one." And it was like such a small moment and I think the grandparents were actually there and were like dying, like dying because it was just like the worst thing in the world. Like you cannot give one child something and not give the other child something else and it was like well, actually we can because our kids have to learn to sit with this and they have to learn to deal with things that aren't fair and things that aren't just even when they don't understand. At the end of the day, they have to learn how to respond. We have to work on our response and they have to learn how to respond. So I think that at times when they're little it's kind of a because I said so type of things. I think it's okay sometimes as they get older, of course there can be greater understanding like "Hey, your big 13-year-old brother, you can't do the same things as him because you're a three-year-old little girl." That's okay. There are privileges and more experiences and things that come with greater age and greater trust.
All that to say is I think it's good to always teach our kids off of principle and the principle is that life isn't fair and I don't think we should raise our kids with the expectation that it's going to be the same for everybody. We have to teach them ahead of time to respond so they don't end up with resentment with bitterness, anger, maybe unforgiveness, just wrestling with frustration, maybe feeling sorry for themselves. These are things that are just going to hold them back in life. But you know, it doesn't really matter what Michelle says, my kids are still young. I have a lot of life to live. I have a lot to learn. I have a lot of many years of parenting ahead. There are many deep injustices that I'm going to have to help my kids walk through that their hearts are going to have to process through and we're going to do this together. But what really does matter is what does the Bible say about it?
So I just want to read real quick Matthew:20 this is Jesus speaking, so it's all in red and it's the Parable of the Vineyard workers. Listen, I think that parables when I always read parables in the Bible, I just feel like it's just a mystery. I don't understand it. But I was reading this the other day, and I was just understanding something. So I just want to ask Father God, I pray for the mom listening that you would open up her ears to hear what you have for her that you would give her fresh revelation of who you are, and that you would help her to understand what you are saying what you are expressing what you are communicating through this story in this parable in Scripture. Okay.
Matthew:20 "For the kingdom of heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay the normal daily wage and set them out to work. At nine o'clock in the morning, he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever is right at the end of the day. So they went to work in the vineyard at noon, and again at three o'clock he did the same thing. At five o'clock that afternoon. He was in town again and saw some more people standing around.
He asked them, "Why haven't you been working today?"
They replied, "Because no one hired us."
The landowner told them, "Then go out and join the others in my vineyard."
That evening, he told the four men to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those hired at five o'clock were paid, each received a full day's wage. When those hired first came to come to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more but they too were paid a day's wage. When they received their pay, they protested to the owner.
"Those people worked only one hour and yet you've paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat."
He answered one of them "Friend. I haven't been unfair. Didn't you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay the last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I'm kind to others. So those that are last now will be first then and those who are first will be last."
So let's talk about a couple of ways to respond and principles to teach your kids to teach ourselves really because we always have to learn and grow first and then we just can through that overflow kind of teach our children that but what can we intentionally do as we navigate injustices in life when we navigate those spots that voice that wants to say that's not fair.
Well, the first thing from reading this scripture passage is to remember your position. God is the master and you are the servant. You are a laborer in His vineyard.
Psalms 24:1 says "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to Him."
We are laborers in His vineyard, this is His world. He is the master. God is God and we are not and sometimes we don't understand everything but we just have to know and remember our position, who we are, what is our role? It's important that not only we understand that but that we help our kids understand and acknowledge their heavenly authority and honor their earthly authority too- that will be you mom. They need to obey and honor you, even if on the occasion the answer is "because I said so." That has to be enough because they need to honor you, in the same way, they will honor their Heavenly Father because He is their master. He is our master.
The second thing that I pulled from that passage is we have to trust God. Trust him that He keeps His promises, even if they don't come when we think they should or look the way maybe we thought they would. At the end of the day, the master of the vineyard, He did exactly what He said He was going to do. We can trust God will do what he says he will do. His promises are always Yes and Amen. So we just have to trust that our master has His reasons, even when we don't understand. We've got to trust God's heart for our life. He is a good father and we have to trust him. We aren't going to understand everything in life. There are always going to be questions that we have, but can we be okay with that? Can we sit with ourselves with the Lord in that moment? Ask him those questions but at the end of the day, just trust Him and say, God, I trust you even though I don't understand. This doesn't make sense to me. This doesn't seem fair to me. This doesn't settle well with me. But, but I trust you and I know that you're going to do what you say you're gonna do. That's got to be our response.
Proverbs 3:5-6 I'll remind you of this verse. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to Him and He will make your past straight."
This is completely relevant to this conversation because again, trusting the Lord with your heart, we're not going to understand everything. But we have to posture our heart, position our heart to submit to Him, to let him be on the throne of our life to know our role and trust him that he's going to make our path straight and he's gonna make everything right in the end.
One of the biggest things that this passage brings up and this is kind of a whole episode in itself, honestly, is that idea that we have to stop comparing. I wonder if the workers that were hired in the morning if they worked all day by themselves, nobody else was hired later on in the day and they got paid. Do you think that they would have had a problem? Probably not. They were hired to work. The master paid them what he said he was gonna do. They did what they were supposed to do. He did what he was supposed to do. End of story. The problem came when other people got involved. The problem came when they compared themselves to the other workers in business, in life.
Let's talk business for a second. Let's not count other people's money. We know this. It's so easy to understand this in our head but this is something we have to always check in with ourselves because this is something our heart needs continuous reminder. At least mine does. Don't compare your beginning with somebody else's middle. Don't compare your chapter 1 with somebody else's chapter 10. Everybody's journey looks different. Everybody moves at a different pace. We cannot look around and compare ourselves to other people. This is a really, really big issue for an entrepreneur. When you're working, and often feeling alone in your journey. It's so easy to start looking around. It's so easy to want to even with good intentions learn from other people, grow from other people, lock arms with other people, but in that we have to be really careful that in that, in that space, we don't start comparing ourselves to other people because that's where the problem comes in. That's where we start getting resentful and discontent. When you see other people doing what you want to do when you see them being more successful than you, maybe it looks so much easier than your journey. These are things we have to be cautious about as entrepreneurs because being an entrepreneur is hard! It is not easy. And we just have to be okay with walking our walk one step at a time working really for the audience of one doing what God has called us to do and not looking around.
Life is a journey. And it's gonna look different for everybody. We have to embrace and accept the diversity and the complexity of life. If God told you to do it, just do it. Don't look around and worry about what anybody else is doing. Stay in your lane. I think this is again, this is like a whole podcast episode I think because this is something that is really crucial that we teach our children as we work this out continuously in our own lives. We've got to stay in our lane and teach our kids to do the same.
If you look around in nature, just that natural examples you're going to see that life is not perfectly even, it's not, look at the flowers. Look at the plants around outside. You can have the same bush the same plants, same flowers side by side they don't look the exact same. Look at snowflakes. There are natural examples all around that life is not the same. It's not supposed to be.
You know, I have five children and it's crazy to me that each child can be so different, different in the way they look, different in their personalities, but just the mere fact that I have four girls, right? Some have brown hair, some have blonde hair, some have brown eyes, some have blue eyes, some have freckles, some don't have freckles, some have tan skin, some have white skin. They just have different personalities. They have different physical features. They have different bents and naturally they're going to want to growing up, compare themselves to one another. That's what happens when you're close to somebody and your life is really similar and you grow up together, you're going to look to the other person, but I have to teach them now and I do intentionally. Don't worry about your sister. Don't worry about what they look like what they're doing. You do you, be the best Hannah, be the best Bri, be the best, Makayla, be the best Caris that you can be. That's what matters. Don't worry about anyone else. This is something small and I can teach them now but they're going to have to deal with this their entire lives. So it's good to get these things instill these mindsets. It gives them resiliency as they enter into the real world. We can't compare ourselves to others, because if we do, it's going to ultimately hinder our purpose, block our blessings, it's going to steal our joy.
If you don't have the strength to care enough for you, think about your children. Don't allow their purpose, their greatest potential to be hindered because they compare themselves to other people and insecurities are able to thrive in that. Don't allow them to block any blessings from their life because of comparison. Don't allow any ounce of joy of fulfillment to be stolen from their life because they're worried about other people, what other people think, they're looking around.
The last thing I want to bring up from this passage is that we need to be willing to be the servant of all. To do what's right, no matter what this passage says those who are last now will be first then and those who are first will be last. God's ways are definitely different than our ways His ways are higher than our ways, that we have to trust. When you don't feel seen, when you don't feel rewarded.. Maybe you feel overworked. Maybe you feel underpaid. Maybe you just feel unappreciated as a mom or in the areas that you're working in. What about when you don't feel worthy? What do we do? You got to continue to honor the master and serve. I wonder how let's just flip it for a second. I wonder how the servants felt that actually received more than they deserved when they just showed up on the scene worked an hour and got the same wage as the other person. I wonder how they felt. Maybe they felt a sense of guilt and shame with that even maybe they felt a sense of unworthiness. Maybe they felt the imposter syndrome. Who do you think you are? Gosh, who do I think I am just showing up and getting the same pay as these people that have worked all day long? I don't have all the answers to these things. I found myself many times in my life being so honest with you guys like God, why? Why? I don't deserve this. There's nothing that I've done in my life to deserve, the marriage that I have, the husband that I have, the children that I have, the parents that I have. I was born into the family I was born into. I didn't deserve this. I didn't do anything to be this blessed. I've had to deal with that a lot in my life. But here's the truth. Here's my response. Here's why I'm here even speaking to you today. Because to whom much is given, much is required. And I feel so blessed in my life. It is my responsibility. It is my heart to pour out to others. If I feel blessed if I've been encouraged if I've had great support in my life. Gosh, I want to be a blessing to others. I want to encourage others I want to support others. So if you find yourself in that place, just remember the call is great on your life and to whom much is given much is required. So rise up and don't hold it for yourself. Be a vessel for His Kingdom. At the end of the day no matter where you fall, no matter what the situation, just keep serving.
There is a kingdom beyond what we see and in God's kingdom, He says the greatest will be servant of all. In fact, check out Episode 8. If you're feeling like a servant, if you're feeling like a slave, if you're feeling frustrated in all the work that you do, if you need some fresh perspective.. If you want to talk about honoring the sacrifice, finding success as you serve, Episode 8 is all about that and I really really encourage you to go back and check that out. But at the end of the day, keep serving. So I'm just going to wrap this up here. I encourage you to go back read Matthew 20 for yourself, see what God has to speak to you. His word is so interesting, and His parables are such a mystery. And I was excited and kind of encouraged like wow, God, I get this. This makes sense. There's things that don't make sense but I can be okay with it and I can choose how I respond at the end of the day. And I can choose how I prepare my children to respond at the end of the day. So in closing, let's just recap and let me just pray this over you today that God would give you fresh revelation of who He is.
Lord, I just pray for the mom listening that you would give us I'm gonna include myself, God give us ALL the heart to surrender to its proper position. Lord, I pray that we would let you be the Lord and the master of our life at the end of the day, when there's questions that go unanswered, when there's things we don't understand, when life doesn't seem fair, when we have to navigate injustice, that we would just know that you are God and we are not. You're the master and we are the servant and we would just be okay with that alone understanding that you see things, your perspective, your ways are higher than ours. God. Lord and I pray that in those moments that we wrestle with, we wrestle, our spirit wrestles, it's easy to understand things in our mind, but sometimes our heart just doesn't get it. That's okay too, God. I think that you love us right where we're at but I pray that You would help us to pause in those moments and ask ourselves can we trust you? Can we trust you? Give us the strength to trust you God at all times and in all circumstances. Lord, I pray that You would help us to be super intentional about not comparing ourselves with other people. God that we would stay in our lane, that we would not look to the right or to the left. We would not look back at the past. We would not look down below. We would not let anyone or anything hold us down that we would keep our eyes so fixed on you. We would just stay faithful God we would stay faithful. We wouldn't compare ourselves to other people. Help us to teach our children to do the same even in our own household as we're raising our children as we're doing all the things at home, as they're navigating with friendships and different relationships and sports teams and classrooms, different situations where they're eyeball to eyeball with other peers. I pray that you would help us to identify areas of their hearts where they're comparing themselves to other people, and to pull those weeds and root those issues out God. Lord at the end of the day, help us to serve and stay faithful to stay humble God to stay humble in our heart. Help us to lead by example, to help our children prepare for life's challenges ahead. God we trust you and we thank you and we give the rest of his day to you.
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