At the end of last week, I told my husband “Whew, I felt like a MOM COACH all week!”
It was one of those weeks where coaching mindsets and emotions was a MUST. But it got me thinking about ONE common practice I was doing to help influence and encourage my kids during their “meltdown moments.”
Whether I’m coaching my kids, coaching a volleyball team (in previous years) or coaching a team in business...there is ONE key strategy that is absolutely GOLDEN for leveling UP your leadership game!
- You want to be a better leader?
- You want more influence and to grow your following?
- You want your kids to listen to you better and to heed your advice?
Today’s conversation will get you THINKING *hint hint*
The SAME principles that will allow you to be an excellent mother as you steward your influence well...will be the same strategies that you can use to enhance your leadership with those on your team and those you work within business.
This episode is all about the POWER - the VALUE - of teaching others how to THINK!
LET’S STAY CONNECTED
Full Episode Transcription:
Welcome back to The Nourishing Mompreneur Podcast, where we get encouraged and empowered as we pursue our greatest potential within the walls of our home. Hey Mama, my name is Michelle Hiatt, and I'm so thankful you're here. Do you feel like your life is good, but something in you feels unfulfilled? Do you feel stuck in the trenches of motherhood, exhausted and working so hard, but feeling like you're getting nowhere? Do you have big dreams you hold in your heart, but you've been living small? Are you motivated for more, but don't have the clarity or the courage to do anything about it? Do you want to discover God's best and see if it's really possible to be an excellent wife, an intentional mother, and be successful in business, all for the glory of God? As a wife of 16 years, a homeschooling mom of five, and an entrepreneur, I know exactly how you feel. Every bit of it. I truly believe that the most important work you will ever do is within the walls of your home and that there is purpose in every season. If you are a fellow business-minded mama, with a heart for home and a love for Jesus, let's process this journey and grow together.
Today I want to talk about how to up your leadership game. If you're a mom, you're a leader. If you have friends. You're a leader. If you have a business or a side hustle of any kind you're a leader. You are a leader, whether you realize it or not. And if you're a leader, that means that you also have influence. Don't think that just because you don't have a big following or a big organization that your leadership and influence doesn't matter. Your value doesn't come from the quantity of followers but I believe that if you steward your opportunities to lead Well, the followers will come. Your impact and influence will increase and the fulfillment will bring great joy as you work to live with greater purpose all for the glory of God. But understanding that you are a leader right now, what can you do to steward that opportunity well? To level up your leadership game, if you will. I want to talk about one skill, one focus that will set you apart as an excellent leader and that is to help others learn how to think.
First I want to talk about how important this one skill is as a mother and then we'll talk about how it applies to business too. Is that cool? All right. So last week, I will tell you it was a different week for us, My mama heart was spread thin as my kids went this way and that way for camps and activities. As a work from home homeschooling mom of five with my oldest only being 13. We spend a lot of time well at home. And I'm used to my kids all being in my nest and operating primarily as a family unit. But things are beginning to change. And as the kids get older, it's just life is just looking a little bit different. So it's pulling us in more and more different directions and outside of the house. It's good it's a healthy transition but oh man, it's uncomfortable and beautiful at the same time and my heart is just adjusting so last week was a big like, adjusting moment for everybody really. Last week was all hands on deck my husband and I we played taxi drivers we had all kinds of moving parts and two kids going to two different camps on opposite sides of towns and squeezing in tutoring sessions and I took up my daughter on a one on one day in a window of time I had and a couple of sleepovers a couple nights of having dinner guests over I mean the list could go on and on just a lot of different details. of life. It was one of those weeks where there was just that extra. So I remember at the beginning of the week, over the weekend before the weekend started I sat down with the calendar trying to game plan for the week and I started getting super anxious. I needed to plan well for my family but so much of learning is really in the letting go on the trusting. So I want so much for every detail to be in order for each one of my kids. I want them to have all the snacks in the lunches and just all the things that they need. But I also understand that I can't be all things to all people I can do my part and I have to release the rest in faith. The most important thing is that the kids to me it's important that they're mentally and emotionally strong for the week so that they can have the best experience possible. As a mom, my goal is not to be supermom, but rather to set everyone up for success.
So if that resonates with you, I just want to remind you as a mom that you don't have to do it all. You don't have to do all the things the weight of the world, the weight of the state of your home, it doesn't all just rest on your shoulder. Just teach and train your children, empower them, equip them, set them up for success, but do your part and let them do their part. It'll just it just working as a team is always a better option. It's not so much about making all the things work as it is important to make sure that everyone's needs are seen and met to the best of your ability. So the biggest ones are the mental and emotional support needed. The pressure the insecurities the new situations that the kids have to navigate. I knew there would be some rocky situations to work through simply because we were entering some new territory and a few ways. Not Not that it's a problem. It's just an opportunity. So everything was amazing. Honestly, the week went wonderful. It was so much fun. But as I expected, my three oldest kids all had their moments, or basically just their meltdowns where they privately came to me and I had to wipe away the tears, help them get their head on straight and just kind of coach them out of that hit for the moment. I was prepared but these moments aren't necessarily fun to navigate. However, it's so important that as moms we embrace the moment when our kids fall apart when they struggle when they're overcome with emotions. They get tested too, and it's not about they remember in the last episode we talked about that so many of the tests we face are in our head. We're battling our own thoughts. Our kids are battling their own thoughts too. And we have this special window of opportunity while they're in our home to help them filter the world, their emotions and the thoughts that they think so that they're going to be prepared when they're launched out into the world.
So if you haven't had a chance, I just want to encourage you to go back and listen to last week's episode number 24. This conversation is loaded with so much value as I share strategies and perspectives for understanding overcoming those tests or those tough spots in our life. Last week's communication, rhythm, the rhythm that I had with my kids it kind of felt like this cycle every time a situation came up or one of my kids was having a quote moment kind of looked like this.
So, I would prepare them for a situation help them know what to expect and what to anticipate good or bad just wanting them to be as prepared as they could for it. Then they'd have their experience they needed to go through what they went through and sometimes struggled to figure it out or adapt. And then when they had a moment or they were struggling, I would meet them in their moment and help them properly process their thoughts and emotions. And then it would start all over again. So repeat that was kind of the rhythm of each conversation and what I was really doing was I was coaching or influencing my children's mindset.
When my kids were younger, I'm big on first time obedience. I think it's really important. Our kids when they're little, they don't understand everything. They don't understand why we ask them all that we ask of them or why they can't touch this or why they can't do that. They don't understand it all and that's okay. They don't have to. They just need to obey and trust their mother and their father. But as the kids get older now that I've got some preteens, you know, my kids are obedient. I could tell them do this or do that and they would do it but I care more about them wanting to do it. I want to influence their behavior. I don't want to just tell them what to do because mom said so I want to influence them to make the right choices. So influence is really important, especially as they get older. It definitely takes the main seat. I can give so many examples of situations. But here's some of the bottom lines of our conversations last week the conversations I had with my kids so hopefully, you can glean some clarity from this with those under your home and work influence. Now I'm talking more specifically about using this as a mom but remember that this applies equally to those that you work with the same principles that are gonna allow you to be an excellent mother as you steward your influence well are the same strategies that you can use to level up your leadership with those on your team and those that you work with in business. As a mompreneur, I want you to understand that there is a connection, and it's so valuable on your growth journey just to see the various aspects of life and how it all intertwine so beautifully. So, leadership leveling up strategies that are also golden for conflict resolution to these are what I use and what I implemented last week with my kids just kind of organically in my relationship with them.
So the first thing is to listen, reflect on what they're saying, and make sure that you're hearing them correctly. So when my children talk to me or they come to me with something, I really tried to pause, drop everything and really was trying to listen to make sure I heard them correctly and then I would repeat it back so they would know that I heard them and you know, it's funny sometimes that maybe our children just hearing back what they're telling us. It'll help them realize maybe how ridiculous they're feeling or thinking just saying just saying, but let your kids know that they're seen and heard, validate their emotions and sympathize your kids will be more likely to come talk to you. If they feel like you actually listen. When you can try to understand their heart you'll have clarity as a mother and as a leader to influence them in the right way. So listen.
Alright, the second thing is, once you get clarity and you can hear what they're saying, hear what's on their heart. Hear their perspective. We've got to help them weed out the lies and get to the root of their emotions. How we feel is not always a true reflection of reality. So as a mom, we got to help our kids paint the bigger picture, filtered by truth point them to the truth which is the word of God. God's wisdom always going to trump your opinion every time so always point them back there, but help them kind of get clarity on some of the thoughts that are just not true. They're just not right. They're just not accurate. And they've also got to understand that their response is a choice. You can't control the circumstances, but you can always decide how you're going to respond and show up. So with my kids, I would kind of let them know in a situation. Alright, so what you're telling me is this, let's talk about a best case scenario. What would that look like? Okay, let's talk about a worst case scenario. What would that look like? What difference that make to you, meaning, no matter what the situation whether it's the best thing or the worst thing you're the same. It's not really a big deal because you're the same and at the end of the day, you have to decide who you're going to be no matter what anybody else does. No matter what the circumstances show, you have a choice to make. And you have to choose your response. And I would tell them to decide beforehand, decide beforehand to be your best self, no matter what, so that the circumstances don't dictate who we are, and how we respond.
Forgiveness. Okay, forgiveness is a weapon. That was another big theme, talking to my children last week. Sometimes having clarity isn't good enough to penetrate the frustration of the offense that your child is feeling. And that's okay. You can't make their heart decide to believe that what you're saying is true. Meaning that sometimes you may paint the picture and bring truth to light, but you just can't talk sense into them. They're just mad, they're hurt. They're offended. So what do you do in this situation? Well, you've got to just walk them through forgiveness. Sometimes our kids need to forgive others. And often they need to forgive themselves. Encourage them to release everything through prayer. So some things I would do with my kids is tell them to find some quiet time help them have a quiet space because we had a lot of people around and my kids that are more introverted tend to get drained and they could just start to crumble. When there's just not enough like, like alone time to regenerate. So have them take a deep breath, help them get outside in nature, take a walk is redirect their focus. Help them to take their emotions and what they're feeling to forgive to release it through prayer and just to redirect them to take a break, take a breather, get outside, and just kind of physically change their flow and their situation. And always remember, as a mom, pray for your kids. There were so many conversations that I felt like I just ended and I just prayed for them. I pray for their heart. I prayed for the situation. How someone else feels is always more important than proving that you're right. They may not understand but they can always choose to forgive and as their mother and their leader, you can ask that they simply trust you. It's like Hey, baby. I know that you feel this way. But you have to trust me that what I'm telling you or what I'm saying is true. And that you're not completely seeing clearly trust my heart in this. And let's just walk through this. Let's forgive. Let's release this. Let's move on.
All through the week, there is a little phrase that I found myself repeatedly say and it's like a baby sounding baby ish phrase, I should say. But you know what, it was simple and it was true and I would kind of mutter under my breath when I would see an attitude or one of my kids slipping in some way. But I would just say "good thoughts make good attitudes." I would say "good thoughts make you feel good," reminding them on how to think so much of parenting and leading our children as they get older is teaching them how to think because their thoughts are going to determine how they view themselves, how they view others, how they view God, how they view the world. Thoughts our children think will shape them and who they become so steward your leadership as a mother with great care. Leadership is not just about leading by example. It's not just about giving great instructions and managing well. It's not just about solving problems. One of the things that will really set you apart as a great leader is to teach others how to think. So you want influence? So you want impact? You want to be a person of value? Help others process life properly, and it all starts at home. Isn't that awesome?
As moms, we have the opportunity all the time to help our kids navigate their thoughts and emotions and when they're faced with new situations, let the pressing produce good fruit. Let the struggles facilitate growth and maturity. Let the tears make way for clarity and release. Let the moments of testing be an opportunity to grow closer and to connect with that son or daughter of yours.
So let's talk about the power of teaching others to think for maybe the big people in our life or with those that we work with sometimes that can be even the most challenging thing. We can't just say "hey, well, I'm your mom, because I said so" it's like no, actually we're dealing with an adult here. So it's a little more challenging and complex. But addressing the thought and the mindset in business is so valuable. We know that we know how important it is for us but how can we do this for other people too. I was talking about my conversations with my children.