Ep 67 // She’s Not Your (Mom)petition with Bethany Beal. Why It’s Important to Stop the Cycle...



Are you often overcome with insecurity or frustration when scrolling social media?


Are you in the habit of constantly putting yourself down or criticizing how you look?


Do you feel a sense of shame or “I’m not good enough” when you look at other moms?


Are you triggered to jealousy when you see all the great accomplishments or “big followings” that other business mamas seem to have?


…or maybe just wish you had what she had - that marriage, that home, those kids?


There are SO many ways that COMPARISON can rear its ugly head and affect how we feel and think, but one thing's for sure …we ALL have to fight it.


Today I have a special guest, Bethany Beal, on the podcast to talk about the topic of comparison…because friends, SHE (whoever She is) is NOT your MOM petition!


We talk about things like:


- The value of diversity in our homes and with others because the truth is…being different is BEAUTIFUL!


- Why standing up against comparison is important for the sake of our children.


- The BEST strategy for breakthrough from a Biblical Perspective, when you are struggling to measure up.


…AND SO MUCH MORE


This is a fun and fast-paced conversation so Buckle up and Open Up your Heart!


LET’S STAY CONNECTED

Website: https://www.NourishingMichelle.com/connect

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Michelle5Hiatt

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Email: hello@nourishingmichelle.com


Full Episode Transcription:

Michelle Hiatt

Today, Bethany Beal and I are jamming out on this conversation, and I can't wait for you to listen in. So Bethany, let me introduce her really quick. She's head over heels in love with her best friend and husband David, and she's the super proud mommy of Davey Jr. She's the co-founder of Girl Defined Ministries, author of several books, including "Not Part of The Plan- Trusting God with the Twists and Turns of your Story. She's passionate about spreading the truth of biblical womanhood and really to her friends and family, she's simply a tall blonde Texan who's obsessed with iced lattes and can't get enough of her sweet little family. She is really amazing. And let me tell you guys something just so you're prepared. If you think that I talk fast and get a little bit like intense at times, just buckle up because this girl talks 10 times faster than me and so we are just like, back and forth. But it is loaded and it's lots of fun and I can't wait for you to listen in. So get ready. Let's get into it.


Michelle Hiatt

Hey, friends, I'm so excited to be hanging out with Bethany Beal today from Girl Defined here on The Nourishing Mompreneur Podcast. I cannot wait for her to share on the topic of comparison. This is actually a conversation that we have not directly had yet on this podcast. So I'm so thankful that we can dig in and talk about this today because this is something that hits close to home for all of us. So Bethany, first I just want to welcome you. I just want to say that I love the heart and the mission of the ministry that you spearhead with your sister, thank you for pouring so faithfully into the next generation of women and leaders and for pointing them to Jesus every step of the way. I am so honored truly to cheer you on and to share a piece of your heart with the phenomenal ladies who listen to this podcast. So thanks so much for giving us a little bit of your day and welcome.


Bethany Beal

Oh, thank you and this is fun for me. I know I was just telling you that, you know I'm a new ish mom, my son is two and so now having these conversations about motherhood and actually having a little bit of experience not nearly as much as you You are amazing, you know, with your five, but it's fun to get to enter into this conversation and just share and discuss you know what the Lord has been teaching me and just, you know, comparison it's something that every woman I think deals with whether they are a mom or not. So it's a conversation we can all benefit from.


Michelle Hiatt

Absolutely. So I already gave you a more formal intro in the intro, but tell us more about you and tell us just more about you in the context of like, why is comparison so near and dear to your heart? And maybe how how was your life experience in your story up into this point? How is it taught you about comparison for the good or the hard?


Bethany Beal

Yeah, so I come from a family of eight kids and there are five I'm one to five girls and then there are three boys. So literally growing up all like literally in front of my face around me. I have these other girls and then eventually women who are opportunities for me to fall into that trap of looking and saying well, why is she good at that? Or why is her why Can she eat that and not gain weight? Or why is she that tall? Why is her body shaped that way? And so for me this became a battle literally as a teenager because, you know, me and my sisters we played competitive sports together. And so if I had a bad game, I'm looking at my sister thinking wow, she did really good and like I feel worthless now you know, and so this temptation to put my worth on how well I was performing or how skinny I was or how I looked became very real. And so that was I feel like the boot camp for me literally just growing up surrounded by other girls was huge and then entering into adulthood. Something really interesting happened that I never could have planned for and just you know, never would have hoped for I guess. So my older sister Kristen, she's about a year and a half older than me and she runs girl defined ministries with me actually share this entire story in our book, not part of the plan, but I'll just give the mini version right now.


Bethany Beal

So long story short, Kristen, she gets married younger and is living happily ever after you know with her husband. I think I'm only a year and a half younger than her like, of course, I'm going to go down that same road. I'm going to get married. I'm gonna find my prince charming. We're both going to just have babies and we're going to have our houses with our white picket fences and it's going to be amazing. So I started looking at her and comparing life seasons, you know, I'm like, well, she's married. I want that like we should be in the same season. We're just a year and a half apart. Well, year after year after year goes by, and I'm not getting married. And now I'm almost you know, 30 I'm still not married. During this time, though, Kristen. She's not able to have children. She's struggling with infertility. So oddly enough, I'm in this season of really learning to trust God with my, you know, future of romance Christians learning to trust God with children. And we're both looking at each other, you know, struggling not to compare to where the other is. So I ended up getting married a little over three years ago. Kristen is Sonia unable to have kids, but we're in the same season now. So we're kind of feeling like Oh, it's you know, level a level playing field. Like, we're there's not much to compare, because I'm married, you're married, but neither of us have kids. And sadly, the story kind of takes a twist for the worse. Kristen finds out miraculously that she's pregnant. And I'm not pregnant. I've been married for you know what, seven months now? And I'm just so happy for her because she's, you know, been married for 10 years just desiring children.


Bethany Beal

But, sadly, she ends up having a miscarriage and within a week of her having a miscarriage I find out that I'm pregnant with my now son, Davey. And I'm telling you that next year of her grieving it was actually her third miscarriage. And having been married for 10 years me going on to have a healthy pregnancy. That puts so much tension on our relationship of comparison, just struggling even to say like God, are you good what's going on? But that was like the most, I guess intense season of comparison of me even saying God, like I am so happy for me but what about her Why haven't you given her this good gift? And her saying God why would you trick me? Why would you allow me to get pregnant only to take it away and then within a week gives my sister this healthy pregnancy like this just seems cool. And so comparison can go to that extreme of like, literally the person next to you getting the very thing that you want and you even maybe grieving for them while you're getting that thing so for me this is comparison has been very up close and personal in ways that are just hard and even break my heart today because I don't understand fully the big picture. But I've learned through it all that God is good that he does care about us that he does love us that he does have a good plan that all things do work together for good that you know for those who love him, but it's not always easy. So my heart is to reach out to women who you know whether it's something small or something as dramatic as you comparing your sister and she's having kids and you're unable to my heart is for any woman in any season of life that struggling with any level of comparison because it's very personal to me.


Michelle Hiatt

That's amazing. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable to open up and share that. You know interesting I have two sisters and so I'm right in the middle and we're all different. We're all unique. And so that's been something that I've worked through as well with my sisters and I we're all in different seasons, our lives look very different. It's like you have the same home, same parents, but each person is so unique. So now here I am as a mother, and I'm just going to talk about girls and daughters today guys. I have four girls and each of them. They look different. I've got some with brown hair, blond hair, blue eyes, freckles, light skin, Puerto Rican skin, like all the foods we have all different body physiques. I mean we are completely different. And it's really interesting to see that and so, as a mother, I'm intentionally wanting them to have a healthy mindset and a healthy heart set when it comes to how they feel about themselves. How they view themselves in light of others because everybody is unique and fearfully and wonderfully. made. And so I just want them to have that healthy mindset from a young age because I had to learn a lot of things the hard way we can use it to with your sisters. So I think it's really beautiful. And I just wanted to interject and bring up the fact that you know what all of this conversation all starts in the home it starts with your family. And God has this beautiful design for a family like we are his family were his body of believers. And he made each of us so unique. And he wants us to be who we're supposed to be. He wants us to be unique, because it's actually the diversity that disciples us into who we're supposed to be, does that make sense? Because like, what I've noticed even in like, even with other believers is that man yeah, they're not my preference, or this person like really triggers me or really frustrates me, or really pushes me to comparison for the good or the bad. Yeah, like those people are placed in our lives for a reason. Because it's those opportunities that get to allow us to be more like Jesus to look more like Jesus. So it's those relationships is the diversity of those around us, starting in our home that actually disciple us to who we're supposed to be in the Lord.


Bethany Beal

Oh, yeah, you know, it makes me think of this illustration or I guess this little example when Christopher and I goes to go and speak and we're talking about comparison and just the uniqueness and the diversity I love that you use that word of our God and how He created us. You know, we live in this cookie cutter cutter culture where it's like, you know, women need to look this way be this way talk this way. We literally have magazine Pepsi, the world's top 100 most beautiful women, you know, and they don't say, here's the one. Here's the one most beautiful woman in all of the world and you're like, Okay, she looks a very specific way and none of us looked like her. So we're all just doomed to to, you know, being miserable. And it's like, there's an opportunity for comparison literally when we check out the grocery store, but we give this example where you know, we bring a bouquet of flowers to the front of the, you know, the stage, and then we bring different women or young women up and it's just like a bouquet of flowers like our God is so creative. He created diversity amongst her he created roses. He created some flowers, he created daisies He created all sorts of flowers. What makes a bouquet so beautiful is when you have that diversity, you have that uniqueness. And none of us would say like, Man, I wish the world was only like pink roses, and I wish there was nothing else in the world but that most of us appreciate that diversity. We praise God for how beautiful his creation is. But when it comes to us as women, we're like, how did you know why Why does she get to have that body shape? Why does her nose look like that? Why does her hair look like that? Why does you know she has that character, trait personality, whatever it is, and we all want sameness. And we all you know often complain or you know even pass this on like you're saying to our daughters, and we we teach them like no, there's only one good thing but instead to be praising God for that diversity.


Bethany Beal

I mean, I'm literally 6'1" I am very tall my family is we are literally giants, there's 10 of us in our family and we are all but two are above 6 feet and we joke with the shortest sister, she's literally 5'10" And whenever we go round, we're like "Oh, poor Rebecca. She's only 5'10", such a shorty." You know what it's like what a joke. You know, it's just that our family is so incredibly tall that instead of complaining about that, and saying, God, why did you make me so tall? You know, I live in San Antonio. It's not a tall city. Sometimes I go to the grocery store and I feel kind of like a freak but instead of focusing on that I can say God, thank you for your diversity. Thank you for making some really tall, some shorter, some curvier, some, you know, different eyes, different nose, different lips shapes, and when we change our perspective and take it off of why am I not like her? Why are we not the same? You can actually have a heart of praise and gratitude to God, you're so creative, you're so amazing. Look at your diversity, and it completely changes the heart posture and I would love to be able to pass that mindset on to our daughters into the next generation because just imagine how much more freedom they would have if they had that mindset rather than that comparison.


Michelle Hiatt

100% I love it. So just starting out like foundational like diversity is beautiful. So embrace being different embrace me on how God made you to be, I keep thinking, I gotta be real. And this is probably like I'm older than you but I keep hearing that Backstreet Boys song, you know, that's What Makes You Different Makes You Beautiful.? Do you have an idea? You gotta go look it up.


Bethany Beal

Okay, I'll have to look it up. If I hear it I'll know.


Michelle Hiatt

It was the jam back in the day. In my middle school years. It's so good. Anyways, I can't hear that song. But it is true. What makes you different does make you beautiful. So I love the flowers analogy. Okay, so why do you think that we spend so much time comparing ourselves to other moms like why is this such a problem? Why is this such a thing?


Unknown Speaker

Oh, yeah. I mean, I know for me, you know, just naturally my own sinful heart is like the starting place. You know, naturally I'm not drawn toward God and His goodness. I'm naturally like, Okay, why? God, what's this? You know, and so comparison is kind of a default for me. I have to be very intentional. And I I don't think we often prepare for motherhood. In this way. Like, I don't think we think oh, let me let me take a deep dive into comparison and really study a biblical perspective of this. I can be prepared to help my daughters or to, you know, he had a healthy relationship with God in this way. It's just not something that's on the front of our minds. After my son was born, I had all sorts of trouble breastfeeding and all the things and I remember before becoming a mom, I thought, Oh, my goodness. Like, what is the like when I heard Bob's complained about certain things are like, oh, you know, breastfeeding just didn't work out. I was like, what, are they not trying hard enough? Like, what's the deal? You know, I was so prideful and so cocky, and then I became a mom and I was, you know, dying like oh, and I had so much compassion but I remember when I was in those first few weeks of struggle of like, I wanted to breastfeed so bad and I just wasn't working out even with all the health. I remember texting several of my really good friends. And I was like, Hey, did you have any trouble breastfeeding? How did that go for you? And I remember getting messages back from them saying like, Oh, that wasn't really a struggle for us. But here you know this happened and I remember falling into this like pit of despair, because I was thinking, like, why didn't they struggle with that asnd I have to? And I started to compare to other moms around me and then that only spiraled into obviously, you know, on social media. I started to see these other women posting and they're like, a month after having their baby and I'm like, they literally can fit into their jeans. My jeans can barely fit over one leg, you know, like, What in the world is happening and it was so hard for me I was already you know, postpartum crazy hormones. But I was falling into literally this pit of despair because I was looking around and saying, like, Why can't my life look like her? Why does she get this easy? And my life has to look this way instead of saying, God, well, thank you for this healthy baby. Thank you that I get that, you know, care for this child and that I am healthy and he is healthy. Who cares if my jeans you know, don't fit right. And, you know, like breastfeeding took us longer than you know my other friends. Like who cares like I'm just going to be grateful. I wasn't, I was looking inward and I was looking outward in the sense of looking at other people instead of looking to Christ and Choosing Gratitude first.


Unknown Speaker

So I think that it really comes down to for women and for comparison, I think it comes down to this heart issue of looking at other people looking at ourselves. And kind of like horizontally comparing and feeling discouraged, rather than first and foremost, looking to Christ. Choosing Gratitude, choosing praise, choosing thankfulness for the things that we do have, like I think if we did that first and then looked around, I think our posture towards other women would be completely different, but that's not our default. So instead, you know, we wake up and many of us we get on social media first thing in the morning, which is very unhealthy and I do that too, you know, so I'm right there with you. And immediately we see that woman who's like wow, I just went on this great vacation. Look at look at how you know many pounds I've lost to look at my kids like sitting around the table perfectly homeschooling, whatever it is and you're looking around like laundry is that on my couch for five weeks? Like how does their life look that way? And we immediately feel discouraged because we're comparison and so compare we're comparing with others. So my college to myself and to you, you know as a listener, is to take the first moment when we wake up and just say God, thank you for today. Use me has you know, as you will help me to please you today. Help me to encourage, you know, my kids, my husband, those who have put me for me, and if that's all I do, it's a successful day. And I think that would immediately change our perspective. So when we do get on social media, our first thought isn't, you know, why doesn't my life look like hers? We're choosing gratitude from the first moment. It's a very small, simple step. But I think that could radically change. You know, the struggle with comparison, but I just want to say like, I know you feel the same way comparison. It's hard and it's something we have to combat. It's not something that's just gonna go away. We do have to fight it biblically and with truth, or else it will kind of like camp in our hearts and find a place there and it's just a downward spiral from there.


Michelle Hiatt

For sure, girl, I get all that I'll tell you I had the hardest postpartum with myself. It just wasn't what I thought like after I looked away, I thought I couldn't be the supermom, I thought I was going to be like, all all the things. I mean, I could tell a whole story about that, but it was challenging. And, you know, I think that comparison is something that is the root of a lot of emotions that we feel as moms if you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious if you're feeling a lot of insecurity. If you are getting triggered when you're scrolling social media, yes, highs and then go to the heart of it and dig deep and you're like why am I feel this way and really test yourself is comparison at the root and what is at the root because a comparison and you keep tracing it back. I bet you you'll run into fear or pride one of those things and let me tell you one thing about comparison that I've learned is I thought that if I was comparing myself to somebody, but I was putting myself down that it was okay, somehow it was okay. Like if I was putting them above me and really just like kind of beating myself up in that comparison that it wasn't so bad. Like it didn't really matter. I was I wasn't judging them. I was judging me. And let me tell you, it's the same it's not good and you know, it's rooted in pride. And I think this is where it gets dangerous is because let's just talk from a biblical perspective. I mean, there are a million verses where it talks about in the word about pride and the destruction and the devastation and how it can just bring your life down. And so that is one practical specific thing that comparison breeds. And so don't think that if you're, you're the one putting yourself down or you're like, No, I'm insecure, it's my you know, for me, no. Pride is actually really a problem. So, what are some dangers that you see for comparison?


Bethany Beal

Yeah, you know, it's interesting because my perspective biblically has kind of changed on this for women. And for myself, I used to think if I just when it came to comparison if I just had okay, if I just focused on like, God, You created me and you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I am your redeemed daughter if I just focused on that, that it would kind of fix the problem but I love that you brought up pride and fear and those deeper root issues. Because if we just focus on those truths, but they are true, you know, if you are a believer in Christ, you are adopted into his family. You are His redeemed daughter. Yes, that is true. He did it that you together you are fearfully and wonderfully made. All of those things are true, but I think if we just stop there, we're missing the deeper root issue like you brought up and so for me, I've had to have this change of perspective that if I just tried to, you know, Fill my cup up and say, Okay, God, here's all what you think of me that it would fix the problem. But I realized that God didn't create me just to be self focused even in a way of like, God, look how wonderful you may be because that's not ultimately what I am here for I am here, just like you know, Mary and the New Testament, she said, God I am you know your servant when the angel came to her, Do with me as you will, like, I want to do your will, which was ultimately to bring Jesus into the world. And that should be our hearts instead of saying, God, here's all who who made me look at how amazing and wonderful I am. I'm gonna stand in front of the mirror and say, look at how awesome my body is, or whatever it is. Instead, I'm going to say, God, how can I serve you just like Jesus came not to be served, but to serve that has to be our like heart motive for the day because pride can simply really creep in even when we're focused on like, the fearfully and wonderfully made Ness. We can start to get prideful even in that like wow, I am really awesome or I do look really good and we're glad to have given me a really good life. Instead of having this humble heart posture of saying, God, I am here on this earth to live for you to please you to tell others about you. And when we are focused on Christ, and we are living for Him, and we wake up in the morning and we say, God, I am your servant. I am not here to be served but to serve. How can I live for you? How can I love my kids today? How can I point them to you today in small and mundane simple ways? It completely changes our very purpose of why we're here. So I think comparison if we stop at, okay, well, I'm just gonna read those verses and remember that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I think we're still going to struggle. I think if we don't get down to the heart issue of why am I here as a woman? What is my purpose as a mom? I mean, I love the passage in Second Corinthians 10, where it talks about whether I am at home or away my aim is to please the Lord. And I think when that is the very reason for why we exist and we pray that God would help us to live that way. I think it helps us to eliminate some of that comparison struggle because we realize that really doesn't matter. My purpose is to live for the Lord and I know that sounds all Christiany and cheesy, but I think it's really the heart of it. I mean, I go back to the life of Jesus over and over again. He's obviously the perfect example. But I think we can pray and say God, even Jesus who deserved everything, came humbled Himself, and literally said I am here not to be served but to serve. I mean, can you imagine if that was our heart if we woke up as moms in the morning and said, I am here to not to be served, but to serve and to to give my life to those God has put around me, I am here to point others to him. I mean, that would completely change the heart posture and it takes away all the pride because you're like, it's not about me, and I know that's not a popular message and it's not really like what modern Christian women talk about. But I personally was really challenged with that last year, and I do feel like it's made a big difference in my life. I'm not perfect at that. But I feel like getting to that deeper root issue for me has been really impactful. So I just want to share it with your listeners and ask them like is that your heart's desire? Do you desire to live for the Lord above all else? Do you make it your aim to please God every day? And I think start there and then work up from there to the I am fearfully and wonderfully made, but started that deeper issue first.


Michelle Hiatt

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think so far, I mean, the one thing that it's safe to say that this is a real problem, this is a real thing. And none of us are exempt, like we all struggle with it and it can look different and each one of us, we may not even think we have comparison, but if we're honest with ourselves, it's just there is something that we have to continually be on guard against. And so we understand that is this is an issue that we all work through and we want to overcome it. We really want that breakthrough. And we want to do it with a biblical perspective. And I feel like one thing to bring up is that number one, okay, let me just say the, the reason why this conversation is so important mom's is because like Bethany already said, this isn't about you. This is about our children and our legacy that we're leaving and what we're doing, and every decision we make, even if it's not verbally communicated, the influence they're going to receive that like we are influencing our children to compare or to overcome. Like we get to choose this every day and it can be devastating for their lives. So even if you aren't talking openly to your children about other people and philosophy or comparison sense, even if you're not putting yourself down in front of them, even if your conversation isn't necessarily bring up the comparison route to light in your home. Let me tell you, it's going to pass down yes, it is going to pass down and it has to stop with us and we have to be the ones to rise up and say enough is enough. If nothing else for the sake of my children, I don't want them to struggle with the same things I do. I don't want them to have the same fears and insecurities and the same anxiety that I'm dealing with. I don't want them to have these things that I'm struggling in wrestling with. Let me work through this and overcome for their sake and on their behalf. And I think that when we can really look at things with that kingdom generational curses, yes, it brings a whole new meaning and empowerment to why we're doing what we're doing. So I just want to bring that up and say if you're listening and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm just what do I do about this? I just want to first encourage you to have deeper purpose and why this conversation is important because it's not about you your children are going to be impacted by the choices you make. And those start with your heart set and your thoughts that you're thinking about yourself and about others.


Michelle Hiatt

And so that is kind of a huge part of why so then going into like, you talked a lot about what the Bible has to say about comparison. It's like well, let's talk about the motion. Okay, we got this problem, but like, how do we overcome how do we really break through when it comes to comparison, so I just want to read one verse, and then I'm going to pass it your way Bethany and let you just kind of dig into this a little bit more, but the verse that I just want to share is


Hebrews:12 1-3 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses, to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially this then that so easily trips us up and let us run with endurance. The race of God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith, because of the joy awaiting him He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in a place of honor beside God's throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people, then you won't become weary and give up."

Michelle Hiatt

And so for me, the number one solution to comparison is not more self development, not more books, more podcasts, more YouTube videos. It's not more affirmations is not even more gratitude. Not that they're not all good things. To me, the root of it is not it's not about making progress in this. It's about getting breakthrough and breakthrough and true transformation comes only from the Lord and it has to do with keeping our eyes on Jesus. What do you say to that remedy?


Bethany Beal

Yeah, you know, I as you were talking I thought of this example, in my own life with my parents, and I think it would be really practical and helpful, you know, because we have so many amazing moms listening and they're in all different seasons of life. And so I like I mentioned there are eight kids and my family and my parents. They were first generation Christians. They moved to San Antonio, they didn't know anyone here. They still live here to this day, but they you know, started from scratch and they started homeschooling back in the day when literally the police would show up at your door because it was so bizarre, you know, so they were living this crazy life. And something that I remember from my childhood and really all growing up. We lived in a very small house like a very, very small house. My parents were doing the very best they could they started a business from scratch but something that I remember about them and I just hope this encourages women in a practical sense to kind of understand what we're talking about with these verses is that my parents, they didn't allow the smallness the like our neighborhood or anything to keep them from letting us have friends over inviting families over people coming over to our house. And what's interesting is I I know in my husband's experience, it wasn't always that way.


Bethany Beal

There can be this comparison, like well, my house is really small. I'm not going to be the home for hospitality. I'm not going to let people in because I'm embarrassed because look at other people they have nicer cars they have nicer houses. I'm not gonna you know, I don't want to be that person. And something I admired about my parents and still to this day realize in a deeper way. They literally did not allow these physical circumstances to keep them from their ultimate purpose which was to disciple their children to point others to Jesus and they had so many people in our home, friends and family and teammates and you know, so much hospitality and they didn't allow their, you know, less than other people to stop them. And I remember so many people wanting to come over to our house wanting to come over for dinner. Our driveway was the hub stop for all the neighbors. And I look back at that and I'm like, wow, they really have this more eternal focus of like, we are here to love our children. We are here to, you know, disciple them. And even though our house isn't the biggest and the best, we want other people to come into our home so that we can make an impact on their life. So what if everyone's overflowing from the house in the front yard in the backyard because our house is so tiny? We're gonna invite people over, you know, we might be eating spaghetti or mac and cheese for dinner, but we're gonna invite people over. And it's exactly what you're saying. It's that eternal mindset saying, I am here to live for God and even if I don't have a lot, even if I don't have much, even if my house is I don't really like it or I feel like it's kind of embarrassing. I am going to be a vessel for God and not allow my children to see that and, you know, shame like, oh, well, we don't have as much as them. So we can never have people over. I mean, it's like you're saying kids pick up on that and if they see you, you know, parking in the back of the parking lot because you don't like the car you're driving. I'm not inviting people over because you're embarrassed of how small your house is. They pick up on that and it impacts them literally into adulthood. And I think it's so freeing for kids to see wow when our focus is on Christ living for him making disciples pointing others to Jesus. Our physical circumstances don't matter as much and we can live in a small home have small car not have much and still show hospitality still love others. So I think just in a practical sense, these verses can be lived out even in a simple, simple way of just having people over even if our house is small.


Bethany Beal

And so I think that I hope that connects with women to see these verses can sound big and spiritual and it's like, Great, I'm running this race I'm, I'm living for Christ. But what does that look like? When I look back at my childhood and growing up, I see that as a way my parents, you know, physically lived that out. And I was a kid I didn't know I was supposed to be embarrassed that my house was small because my parents never let me know that. So I just want to encourage us to have that eternal focus so that we can pass down that heart attitude to toward, you know, to our kids, to our sons to our daughters, and I think it really will impact them even into adulthood.


Michelle Hiatt

Yeah, absolutely. That's powerful. And I think that's such a good example because, you know, it took a lot of faith and courage for them to invite people over and really cultivate hospitality. But the reason why was so sweet is because they got their eyes off of themselves. They weren't worried about they were like, You know what, I care more about these people. feeling loved and welcomed than I do about my own pride. And yeah, I have to offer and so they were taking their eyes off of themselves, and putting them towards other people, putting them towards the Lord in that way. And that's why they were able to live free and you have a lot of the experiences that you have today. So that's yes. That's really neat. Bethany, what would you say? Or how can we help the women listening? Stop comparing, like what are some practical tips that they can do? Maybe if they're feeling triggered to compare themselves with others? Yeah.


Bethany Beal

I think it's important, a first step, obviously having relationship with God I think that's like the foundation, which I know is a big emphasis of the amazing biblical truths that you've already shared with us. So making sure even if it's in a super simple way, I know as moms we're all in very different seasons and very busy. So I think finding, even if it's just as you're driving, turning on some scripture, I know like the Bible app, you can literally turn it on and it will read the audio version to you. So finding even simple ways to try to get scripture and truth into our hearts, little bits here and there throughout the week. I mean, listening to this podcast is obviously an incredible place to find truth as well. So I think he trying to get creative with that is really important because we need truth to find the lives we need truth in our hearts. I would encourage you, you know, when you have a chance to look up the verse Galatians 110. This first has been super helpful for me and I would encourage you as a mom to write this down on a three by five card if you can, and put it in your Bible, put it on your visor in your car, put it on your mirror in the bathroom, but it says, For Am I now, where am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man, if I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. And this verse is such an easy scripture verse to think through because we don't have to even memorize the whole thing. We can ask ourselves in the moment, am I trying to please God? Or am I trying to please man, and it's kind of like, am I trying to impress people around me or am I living for God? And so this has been super helpful for me and I would just encourage you write that down Galatians 110 and put it before your eyes. And the last thing that I would say is, you know, we don't need you know, we don't need 100 friends around us as moms, we don't need all of the people in the world. You know, like on social media, it feels like okay, I need to have this many followers, I need to have this influence bigger is better, a better a better. I mean, even when we look at the life of Jesus, he only chose 12 disciples and then he had his inner circle of three and it was a very small community. So I would just encourage you as a mom to find even just one godly woman that you can surround yourself with and when you're struggling or you just need some encouragement, be there for each other text each other scripture verses text, each other encouragement, share podcasts with each other. I mean, the older I've gotten, I'm only 33 but every year I get older, I realize I don't need so many like big crowds of friends. I just need one or two godly women that can encourage me that can pour into me, whether it's a mentor or just another peer mom who wants to do the right thing that can make such a big difference in your life. Just having one person who gets it who can encourage you who can support you and can point you back to Scripture. When you're struggling when you're having that moment of like I don't really want to do this, or I saw this magazine, or I saw this thing on social media and it's really getting me down. Ask them reach out to them send a simple text like hey, I'm feeling really down. I'm struggling with comparison. You know, can you encourage me and if you have a godly friend like that, and you've strived to invest into that relationship, even if it's just your text message you can have that support. We're not meant to do life on our own. So having that person around, you can link arms with you, another woman who really understands and gets it. I think that can be practically a huge source of biblical encouragement in a woman's life.


Michelle Hiatt

Yeah, those are awesome tips. Those are really good tips. And one last thing, just as we're talking about like practical tips, I think that one thing that women in my season struggle with because you guys listening, you guys have dreams that you hold in your heart, you are working, you have goals, you have vision, and you want to do these awesome, purposeful projects. Outside of motherhood. But it feels so impossible sometimes. And then you're in this place. You're trying to balance it all you're trying to do all these things, and then you look and you're like, oh, yeah, she's crushing it. Wow, look at her influence. Look at her following look at her business. How is she doing that? What do I have? I have nothing like and so I think when it comes to this, let's quote mompreneur mentality. I think that is a huge trigger point for comparison. Do you have any thoughts on that specifically?


Bethany Beal

Okay, so I saw this trend going around on Instagram and I know probably a lot of your followers are on Instagram or have kids who are and see this kind of stuff, but it was meant to be a like an encouragement to stay at home moms. But I honestly found that the opposite so basically what it was it was this trend where on the screen it said I'm just a stay at home mom and then the mom might be holding your kid and then she would look at the screen and then like, you know the music would change and she would slap that part of the screen and then it would switch to say I run this small business and it would list all of her accomplishments. And in a way you think like oh yeah, how rude to say she's just a stay at home mom, look at all she does. But I was thinking about it and I was like, what if you are a woman who you are discipling your kids you're raising them. Maybe you're homeschooling them and you're like, I don't have time to run an oils business. All these other things on the side. So somebody says I'm just a stay at home mom. No, that's good enough. I'm at home. But look at all these things that I do. It was meant to be an encouragement to stay at home moms, but I felt like for so many that could actually be very discouraging, like, great. So what I do isn't good enough. And so I think we need to take a step back.


Bethany Beal

There's actually a really godly woman just yesterday was telling me, I need to fix my perspective on this. We can say like, I just stay home with my kids. I just strive to help my husband. I just, you know, and oh, you know, taking care of the house. We diminish it so much and we act like it's this small, little tiny thing and we have to be doing more and if you're in a season where you are able to run a business with your husband or do something I'm not diminishing not great, go for it. But I think God has made it so clear in Scripture, how valuable the family is, how important the marriages that discipleship is our you know, primary purpose were to go and make disciples and if you have kids, you literally have them. In your home. So for me it's changing my language and not saying I just this I'm just stay at home mom or I'm, I'm just you know, raising my little family to say no, just loving my family in a day is enough. And that's amazing. That is well pleasing to God. And I don't have to run all of these other businesses on the side or you know, make extra money doing all these hustles I can take the pressure off and say God, this is well pleasing to you. If I just sing songs with my little son today and, you know, read books with him and love him. Well, that's enough. Like that is so pleasing to you. I don't have to do anything else. So I would encourage you to change your language. Don't say I'm just this but then feel like you have to do a bunch of other things say no. This is well pleasing to God just to love my husband and just to love my children and if I do nothing else that is well pleasing to the Lord. So I just want to encourage you in that and say that is a beautiful and amazing calling such a holy calling. Don't let other stay at home moms or other women discourage you in that change your perspective go to Scripture and feel like this is a beautiful calling. This is worthy. This is amazing. Thought for that. And when those light starts to creep in, like I'm just this A No, this is well pleasing to God. He is pleased with the work that I'm doing loving my son singing the same songs over and over again. This is good work. So I think we have to proactively fight those lies and remember the truth of God's Word or else we will get into that and be like I do need to be doing all those other things in order to be a successful stay at home mom and that's just not the truth.


Michelle Hiatt

Yeah, absolutely. And I love your passion. You know with your with your ministry with your podcast Girl Defined, did I say that right? I was gonna say redefined, Girl Defined because for me and for you, we're redefining things. You know, the world is saying something but it's like what does the Lord say? And so I know for me, when I hear the word mompreneur, or even on this podcast, you think, Well, I don't qualify to be a mompreneur. No, we're redefining that here. But yes, it is not about being a boss babe. This is building the kingdom of the Lord and it starts at home. It starts through your family. It's about bridging the gap between the work of your hands and the work at home because it is beautiful and it is connected and any courageous work that you do for the glory of God is worthy work. It doesn't matter if you're making the six figures. It doesn't matter if you're changing diapers, it is all meaningful in the eyes of the Lord and so automatically just redefining what that even means to be a kingdom minded woman who is using the works of her hands to honor the Lord as she built her family. She can build other things, but it is just an order and it's together. Beautiful, beautiful thing. So I think that's amazing. I just want to read one more verse as we wrap up this conversation.


Michelle Hiatt

This is Psalms 34: 5, and this is the passion translation. And it simply says,

"Gaze upon him. Join your life with his and joy will come. Your faces will glisten with glory, you'll never wear that shame face again."

Michelle Hiatt

And I think that you know, there are so many tips and tricks and there's so many things that we can practically do to just work through comparison and to respond when we feel triggered in these ways. But I think if we can just keep things simple, as simple as possible and boil it down to one thing. It's like we already mentioned it's like, just get your eyes on Jesus. Yes, our eyes on Him. Gaze upon him, and you won't be ashamed. You're actually gonna listen with glory, you're going to glow we want to glow from the inside out. Like that is what we desire. And it only comes from Jesus and one thing that I do alive it's like a just a real specific visual is I just imagined myself literally running and it's like I don't look to the right I don't want to guess I don't want behind me. I don't look beneath me. I don't even compare myself to the old me. The old things in the past the old man is of my life. I don't let anyone hold me back. No, I have my eyes fixed on you, Jesus. You are the author and the finisher of my faith. And I just want to run my race with endurance because if we have our eyes on Jesus, this is where he says, There's joy. And this is what keeps us from getting weary and from getting discouraged from giving up. It gives us that endurance to keep going. So I just want to say run your race look to Jesus and understand though, that as you look to Him and as you run his race you're gonna look different in the world. This is just the world that we live in. And it's getting clearer and clearer all the time that as you run your race, following the Lord wholeheartedly. You're going to look different than the world. But you can have faith knowing that Hey, God, he writes your story. He is the author of your story. And we hear this so many different ways and times but like you know that saying don't compare your chapter one with somebody else's error and all that kind of thing. But the point is, is like it's not even that we have a different story, but we're in a different place in our story. We're in a different players office and so for those that maybe you're a few a few steps ahead and you know, pull them up with you and help them grow alongside with you. Take them by the hand to the next step and for those that are ahead of you. Or I'm sorry that so those I'm saying this all wrong. You get what I'm saying but cheer those on that actually a few steps behind him for those that are a hillbilly, like Be teachable, be humble and then grow with them. But either way, let's reach out our hands and get our eyes off of ourselves, the Lord, but reach our hands ahead and behind and less laughs gather as women so that we can really walk out our individuals. Because it's not about comparing our journey. It's about sharing our journey with others because if we can share our journeys with others, for the glory of God, this is how we leave an impact and this is what it's all about leaving a lasting impact in our hearts through the next generation. And that is what it means to be a Girl Defined by the Bible standards. And that is what it means to be a mompreneur, a woman that has goals and dreams and a heart for business and a heart for more. First, her heart is towards her wholeness, so we just want to honor him and all that we do.


Bethany Beal

That's so beautiful. That was such a beautiful description of like Titus 2 as you were talking I was like she's literally unpacking Titus 2 in the most beautiful way, you know, because it's all about like older women teaching younger women but we're each of us is older than someone you know. So that example of reaching out and saying how can I pull you along linking arms as sisters in Christ? Like how much further would we get in life if we chose to link arms and help one another? Rather than pushing away like, Ah, I don't like what you have, or I'm not going to listen to you like what do you know, you know, I love that description of reaching forward and reaching behind him pulling each other, you know, toward Christ. That was beautiful. And thank you for sharing that.


Michelle Hiatt

Awesome well Bethany, would you mind wrapping up this conversation in prayer? This has been a really sweet conversation. And I hope this is the beginning of many more conversations for all of us. But really just the conversation that we can have with the Lord is like God, this is how I feel. This is where I'm at. I know that you see me right where I'm at. I know that you love me right where I am. God I want to look at you and I want to glow with your glory. God I want to glow with your glory. I don't want to worry about the world and how the world defines things or what the world deems worthy or what she's doing or he's doing or where they're at in their season in their chapter. Lord, I just want to blow and bring glory to you and your story for my life in this season. In this very place in this very space that you have called me to. Lord, I just want to glow for you. So I'm just gonna pass this over to you. I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm like talking praying here but what do you a prayer please?


Bethany Beal

God we just thank you so much for this opportunity. And just for every woman who was listening, we know it's not an accident, that she is listening right now and has continued to listen until the end. And we know that you are a good God. We are so weak. We don't have what it takes to live this way to live for you and to find our strength in you but we're asking you to give us your strength. We are weak, but you are strong. So God give us your strength. Empower us through Your Holy Spirit to live not for ourselves. But for you. We are your redeemed daughters and we want to remember that and walk in that identity. It's not going to look like the culture. It's not going to look like the world around us. We're not competing with everyone. It's not a race to a certain finish line. Like we talked about today. We're running an individual race that you have set before us to get to one day be with you and hear those words well done good and faithful servant. We are Your servants and our heart's desire should be to live for you to serve you. So I pray that every day we would wake up we'd remember that our identity is found in you that we are your daughters. We are redeemed we are set apart. We are not here for our own names. But we're here on a god defined mission to tell others about your children to point others to you to know you. So I just pray that you would strengthen us and embolden us to live out our true purpose when there's so much confusion about just identity in all realms. Even in motherhood I pray that you would give us clarity and truth so that we can live peacefully as we strive to live for you. And please help us to encourage the women who are a few steps behind us and to humbly accept the help from the women who are just few steps ahead of us. Please help us to live out that kind of to model to live for you and to link arms with our sisters in Christ. You are such a good God. I pray that you would just help us to keep our eyes on you and that as our eyes are on you, you'd be strengthened to live for you and to love. Well, we just praise you and thank you for this time we've had today in Jesus name, amen. Amen.


Michelle Hiatt

Bethany, where can the ladies connect with you and find you and tell us about your offerings?


Bethany Beal

Yes, I would love to connect with you. If you're listening right now. You can just go to GirlDefined.com everything is there. We do have a podcast as well. We talk about all sorts of things we go you know everything from identity and gender to all sorts of stuff with you know, sex, intimacy, we just kind of cover all of the things. So we would love to have you over there to enter into those you know conversations about what it means to be a girl a woman defined by God. So you can go to GirlDefined.com or just any social media platform, @GirlDefined to find and you'll connect with us.


Michelle Hiatt

Awesome. Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate you and I loved having you on today!