Are you often overcome with insecurity or frustration when scrolling social media?
Are you in the habit of constantly putting yourself down or criticizing how you look?
Do you feel a sense of shame or “I’m not good enough” when you look at other moms?
Are you triggered to jealousy when you see all the great accomplishments or “big followings” that other business mamas seem to have?
…or maybe just wish you had what she had - that marriage, that home, those kids?
There are SO many ways that COMPARISON can rear its ugly head and affect how we feel and think, but one thing's for sure …we ALL have to fight it.
Today I have a special guest, Bethany Beal, on the podcast to talk about the topic of comparison…because friends, SHE (whoever She is) is NOT your MOM petition!
We talk about things like:
- The value of diversity in our homes and with others because the truth is…being different is BEAUTIFUL!
- Why standing up against comparison is important for the sake of our children.
- The BEST strategy for breakthrough from a Biblical Perspective, when you are struggling to measure up.
…AND SO MUCH MORE
This is a fun and fast-paced conversation so Buckle up and Open Up your Heart!
LET’S STAY CONNECTED
Full Episode Transcription:
Today, Bethany Beal and I are jamming out on this conversation, and I can't wait for you to listen in. So Bethany, let me introduce her really quick. She's head over heels in love with her best friend and husband David, and she's the super proud mommy of Davey Jr. She's the co-founder of Girl Defined Ministries, author of several books, including "Not Part of The Plan- Trusting God with the Twists and Turns of your Story. She's passionate about spreading the truth of biblical womanhood and really to her friends and family, she's simply a tall blonde Texan who's obsessed with iced lattes and can't get enough of her sweet little family. She is really amazing. And let me tell you guys something just so you're prepared. If you think that I talk fast and get a little bit like intense at times, just buckle up because this girl talks 10 times faster than me and so we are just like, back and forth. But it is loaded and it's lots of fun and I can't wait for you to listen in. So get ready. Let's get into it.
Hey, friends, I'm so excited to be hanging out with Bethany Beal today from Girl Defined here on The Nourishing Mompreneur Podcast. I cannot wait for her to share on the topic of comparison. This is actually a conversation that we have not directly had yet on this podcast. So I'm so thankful that we can dig in and talk about this today because this is something that hits close to home for all of us. So Bethany, first I just want to welcome you. I just want to say that I love the heart and the mission of the ministry that you spearhead with your sister, thank you for pouring so faithfully into the next generation of women and leaders and for pointing them to Jesus every step of the way. I am so honored truly to cheer you on and to share a piece of your heart with the phenomenal ladies who listen to this podcast. So thanks so much for giving us a little bit of your day and welcome.
Oh, thank you and this is fun for me. I know I was just telling you that, you know I'm a new ish mom, my son is two and so now having these conversations about motherhood and actually having a little bit of experience not nearly as much as you You are amazing, you know, with your five, but it's fun to get to enter into this conversation and just share and discuss you know what the Lord has been teaching me and just, you know, comparison it's something that every woman I think deals with whether they are a mom or not. So it's a conversation we can all benefit from.
Absolutely. So I already gave you a more formal intro in the intro, but tell us more about you and tell us just more about you in the context of like, why is comparison so near and dear to your heart? And maybe how how was your life experience in your story up into this point? How is it taught you about comparison for the good or the hard?
Yeah, so I come from a family of eight kids and there are five I'm one to five girls and then there are three boys. So literally growing up all like literally in front of my face around me. I have these other girls and then eventually women who are opportunities for me to fall into that trap of looking and saying well, why is she good at that? Or why is her why Can she eat that and not gain weight? Or why is she that tall? Why is her body shaped that way? And so for me this became a battle literally as a teenager because, you know, me and my sisters we played competitive sports together. And so if I had a bad game, I'm looking at my sister thinking wow, she did really good and like I feel worthless now you know, and so this temptation to put my worth on how well I was performing or how skinny I was or how I looked became very real. And so that was I feel like the boot camp for me literally just growing up surrounded by other girls was huge and then entering into adulthood. Something really interesting happened that I never could have planned for and just you know, never would have hoped for I guess. So my older sister Kristen, she's about a year and a half older than me and she runs girl defined ministries with me actually share this entire story in our book, not part of the plan, but I'll just give the mini version right now.
So long story short, Kristen, she gets married younger and is living happily ever after you know with her husband. I think I'm only a year and a half younger than her like, of course, I'm going to go down that same road. I'm going to get married. I'm gonna find my prince charming. We're both going to just have babies and we're going to have our houses with our white picket fences and it's going to be amazing. So I started looking at her and comparing life seasons, you know, I'm like, well, she's married. I want that like we should be in the same season. We're just a year and a half apart. Well, year after year after year goes by, and I'm not getting married. And now I'm almost you know, 30 I'm still not married. During this time, though, Kristen. She's not able to have children. She's struggling with infertility. So oddly enough, I'm in this season of really learning to trust God with my, you know, future of romance Christians learning to trust God with children. And we're both looking at each other, you know, struggling not to compare to where the other is. So I ended up getting married a little over three years ago. Kristen is Sonia unable to have kids, but we're in the same season now. So we're kind of feeling like Oh, it's you know, level a level playing field. Like, we're there's not much to compare, because I'm married, you're married, but neither of us have kids. And sadly, the story kind of takes a twist for the worse. Kristen finds out miraculously that she's pregnant. And I'm not pregnant. I've been married for you know what, seven months now? And I'm just so happy for her because she's, you know, been married for 10 years just desiring children.
But, sadly, she ends up having a miscarriage and within a week of her having a miscarriage I find out that I'm pregnant with my now son, Davey. And I'm telling you that next year of her grieving it was actually her third miscarriage. And having been married for 10 years me going on to have a healthy pregnancy. That puts so much tension on our relationship of comparison, just struggling even to say like God, are you good what's going on? But that was like the most, I guess intense season of comparison of me even saying God, like I am so happy for me but what about her Why haven't you given her this good gift? And her saying God why would you trick me? Why would you allow me to get pregnant only to take it away and then within a week gives my sister this healthy pregnancy like this just seems cool. And so comparison can go to that extreme of like, literally the person next to you getting the very thing that you want and you even maybe grieving for them while you're getting that thing so for me this is comparison has been very up close and personal in ways that are just hard and even break my heart today because I don't understand fully the big picture. But I've learned through it all that God is good that he does care about us that he does love us that he does have a good plan that all things do work together for good that you know for those who love him, but it's not always easy. So my heart is to reach out to women who you know whether it's something small or something as dramatic as you comparing your sister and she's having kids and you're unable to my heart is for any woman in any season of life that struggling with any level of comparison because it's very personal to me.
That's amazing. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable to open up and share that. You know interesting I have two sisters and so I'm right in the middle and we're all different. We're all unique. And so that's been something that I've worked through as well with my sisters and I we're all in different seasons, our lives look very different. It's like you have the same home, same parents, but each person is so unique. So now here I am as a mother, and I'm just going to talk about girls and daughters today guys. I have four girls and each of them. They look different. I've got some with brown hair, blond hair, blue eyes, freckles, light skin, Puerto Rican skin, like all the foods we have all different body physiques. I mean we are completely different. And it's really interesting to see that and so, as a mother, I'm intentionally wanting them to have a healthy mindset and a healthy heart set when it comes to how they feel about themselves. How they view themselves in light of others because everybody is unique and fearfully and wonderfully. made. And so I just want them to have that healthy mindset from a young age because I had to learn a lot of things the hard way we can use it to with your sisters. So I think it's really beautiful. And I just wanted to interject and bring up the fact that you know what all of this conversation all starts in the home it starts with your family. And God has this beautiful design for a family like we are his family were his body of believers. And he made each of us so unique. And he wants us to be who we're supposed to be. He wants us to be unique, because it's actually the diversity that disciples us into who we're supposed to be, does that make sense? Because like, what I've noticed even in like, even with other believers is that man yeah, they're not my preference, or this person like really triggers me or really frustrates me, or really pushes me to comparison for the good or the bad. Yeah, like those people are placed in our lives for a reason. Because it's those opportunities that get to allow us to be more like Jesus to look more like Jesus. So it's those relationships is the diversity of those around us, starting in our home that actually disciple us to who we're supposed to be in the Lord.
Oh, yeah, you know, it makes me think of this illustration or I guess this little example when Christopher and I goes to go and speak and we're talking about comparison and just the uniqueness and the diversity I love that you use that word of our God and how He created us. You know, we live in this cookie cutter cutter culture where it's like, you know, women need to look this way be this way talk this way. We literally have magazine Pepsi, the world's top 100 most beautiful women, you know, and they don't say, here's the one. Here's the one most beautiful woman in all of the world and you're like, Okay, she looks a very specific way and none of us looked like her. So we're all just doomed to to, you know, being miserable. And it's like, there's an opportunity for comparison literally when we check out the grocery store, but we give this example where you know, we bring a bouquet of flowers to the front of the, you know, the stage, and then we bring different women or young women up and it's just like a bouquet of flowers like our God is so creative. He created diversity amongst her he created roses. He created some flowers, he created daisies He created all sorts of flowers. What makes a bouquet so beautiful is when you have that diversity, you have that uniqueness. And none of us would say like, Man, I wish the world was only like pink roses, and I wish there was nothing else in the world but that most of us appreciate that diversity. We praise God for how beautiful his creation is. But when it comes to us as women, we're like, how did you know why Why does she get to have that body shape? Why does her nose look like that? Why does her hair look like that? Why does you know she has that character, trait personality, whatever it is, and we all want sameness. And we all you know often complain or you know even pass this on like you're saying to our daughters, and we we teach them like no, there's only one good thing but instead to be praising God for that diversity.
I mean, I'm literally 6'1" I am very tall my family is we are literally giants, there's 10 of us in our family and we are all but two are above 6 feet and we joke with the shortest sister, she's literally 5'10" And whenever we go round, we're like "Oh, poor Rebecca. She's only 5'10", such a shorty." You know what it's like what a joke. You know, it's just that our family is so incredibly tall that instead of complaining about that, and saying, God, why did you make me so tall? You know, I live in San Antonio. It's not a tall city. Sometimes I go to the grocery store and I feel kind of like a freak but instead of focusing on that I can say God, thank you for your diversity. Thank you for making some really tall, some shorter, some curvier, some, you know, different eyes, different nose, different lips shapes, and when we change our perspective and take it off of why am I not like her? Why are we not the same? You can actually have a heart of praise and gratitude to God, you're so creative, you're so amazing. Look at your diversity, and it completely changes the heart posture and I would love to be able to pass that mindset on to our daughters into the next generation because just imagine how much more freedom they would have if they had that mindset rather than that comparison.